Children seem to have an innate sense of justice. It is a universal phenomenon to hear "not fair" on the playground. Where did this come from? When is it exploited or ignored? How can we as parents use this concept in teaching them and reminding ourselves about God?

Few child-care professionals would argue with the concept that there is some inborn sense of fairness in every child. "He (God) has also set eternity in the hearts of men…" There is a profound concept. The exact meaning may be difficult to pin down, but an application to these sorts of intangible yet absolute truths does seem justified. It is either from God or it is conditioned into them. The sense of justice seen in children would seem less likely to be a result of conditioning, given our human failing to always be just in their upbringing. Might it be God has set fairness in our hearts as a reflection of His ultimate fairness, and a tool in gauging our own attempts to be more like Him?

If only this concept of fairness was as universally applied as it is felt. Why is it that children are not always the best judges of complete fairness? Because as children they have the self-centered perspective of immaturity, and tend to demand justice only when it is advantageous to them and overlook it when fairness demands they sacrifice for the sake of others. When you hear "That’s not fair" on the playground, you know it will usually be followed by demands that the one crying out be given some denied privilege. This may be their natural reaction, but it should not remain their life-long habit and must not be our response as adults. We as parents must work to instill in our children a perspective that is more concerned with justice for others than for themselves. To train children to be empathetic is at the same time incredibly difficult and incredibly noble. That is not an easy task, and usually requires years of practice if indeed it ever is accomplished, but don’t give up trying. Just be patient and know it will take time.

What if circumstances prevent us from being able to satisfy our children’s justified sense of fairness? This is when the phrase "Life isn’t fair" usually escapes our lips. Little was more irksome to me as a child than to hear this, but in all fairness, little has helped me more in dealing with the disappointments of this life. Mankind is not up to God’s standard of justice. Wicked people sin and some of those sins effect the innocent around them. If the situation our children face truly has no just solution, then allowing them to brood and stew over it is an inequity all its own. Jesus told the apostles to shake the dust off their feet if the people they preached to did not listen to their message (Luke 9:5). How much greater an injustice can you get than rejection of the gospel? Yet, they were not to remain concerned with it, but learn to move on to other areas where people would listen. Children who are left to bear grudges against persons or the world as a whole are wasting their energy better used for the advancement of good.

How can we use the sense of justice found in a child? First, allow me to suggest that we should not abuse it. We must be fair in our dealings with them. Parents must lay down the law and then live by it. Our failures to reward and punish according to the rules we have laid out for our children are hypocrisy. We cannot expect them to live by our rules of conduct if we refuse to. We should not expect them to turn a blind eye to our failures to live up to what we preach to them. If we tell our children be nice to others and then gossip about the shortcomings of the brethren all the way home from worship we are hypocrites and they can see that. Justice demands we accept the same absolute standards we impose upon them.

Consider the results of favoritism on your children. Inequality in treatment of each child in a family may be difficult to identify and may sometimes be justified, but think about the negative impact it had on Jacob between himself and Esau, or later on Joseph. The perception that something is done unfairly can prompt a child to harbor deep resentment that will color all future actions with that sibling. Perhaps there is no basis to the claim that brother or sister is being favored, but we should make sure that is the case, and clearly assert it to the one feeling injured. This is not to say that one of your children should never be singled out for special favors. Because one child has a birthday does not mean that all the others should receive presents as well. The lesson of rejoicing with those who rejoice will never be taught that way. If we think we must always treat each child identically, we are setting them up for envy later on. The world does not run on communism and no one is obligated to share his own property for the sake of equality. This is also not to say parents should justify their every action to their children. A misconception of injustice may simply be incomplete information on their part. They can be content to "just trust" you when asked to if you have established a pattern of just dealings.

The basic concept of justice is at the root of all rules of behavior in your household. It is even necessary in teaching the cause and effect relationships of our existence. If I touch the stove I will get burned. If it rains the flowers will grow. If I disobey I will be punished. This last one should be as axiomatic as any other laws of nature. The reason our children should expect punishment is that it has been instilled as the direct and logical consequence of their actions. It is not something done to them by someone who is just having a bad day. In the truest sense, we do not punish them – they bring punishment upon themselves. This distinction enhances greater responsibility for actions. Can young children understand this principle? Absolutely, just in a simplified form.

Is there, then, ever justification for a lack of justice? As adults we call this mercy. It usually consists of withholding a deserved punishment in consideration of other factors. Quite obviously every Christian lives with trust in God’s mercy. We depend upon it. I do caution, however, against an over-emphasis on mercy in the parent/child relationship. Yes, we want to be like God, who is merciful. Yes, we want to demonstrate to our children that we love them. But mercy means nothing to one who has not learned the meaning of absolute justice. The concept the world has of the loving and merciful nature of God has little in common with His true character, because they do not first understand the necessity for justice. It is nothing of value to withhold punishment if there is no clear concept of how much it is deserved. If our children do not first have a firm grasp on their requirement to obey under difficult or even extreme conditions, then showing mercy amounts to no more than inconsistency. Making excuses for their disobedience is an affront to justice. I, as a child, reached a point at which I was relieved when punishment was given for my wrongs. This was the result of an awareness that I personally deserved the consequences my actions brought and the slate was not clean until it was given out.

Christians are admonished to show the mind of a child. The innocence and honesty of children is to be imitated (Matt. 18:3,4). I can’t help but think their accurate recognition of justice should be, also. Acknowledgement of what exactly it is we deserve will intensify how grateful we should be to God for withholding it. Anything less than a recognition of our responsibility to live up to these concepts our children show so clearly would be intellectually dishonest and … you guessed it … not fair.

Laurie A. Moyer