Regardless of the pressure of society to allow the "group conscience" to raise our children, it need not, and should not, come down to that. Prominent figures tell us that it "takes a village" to raise kids today. "The job is too great for the parents alone. The influence of the rest of our society must be mobilized in order for them to grow into productive, well-rounded citizens." I object strongly to this characterization. Allow me to explain why.

In the first place; the job is not too hard. Please notice, I did not say it is not hard. I merely said it is not too hard. Raising children is a struggle. Keeping up with them and their needs is a growing concern of any parent; but then, it has always been this way. You will lose sleep over them. You will loose hair over them. You will cry over them. But then you will pray about it and trust that your best intentions and even your past failures will not be insurmountable obstacles to their growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18). The thing you must not ever do is loose the constant vigilance that makes sure you are always doing your best for them.

Whose responsibility is it to train your children? I do not believe it is over-simplistic to remind you that it is yours. It is not the responsibility of the teachers at school, the Bible class teachers, their grandparents or the community at large. These people help and they are certainly to be commended for their assistance in this daunting task, but they are not finally responsible for their upbringing; and we should never convey the impression that we are attempting to leave that task to them.

One way in which we leave an impression of accountability in caretakers is by the shear volume of time we voluntarily choose to leave our precious ones in their care. I am not speaking of the unavoidable or the occasional, but of the times we take advantage of these loved ones on a regular basis. Specifically, think of grandparents and optional child-care. As much as grandparents love the time they spend with their grandchildren they are not to be used as surrogate parents. It is not their job to raise the children because we choose to work or educate ourselves or recreate. If we choose to have those children, there is an implied obligation on our part to do the rearing. If you cannot take care of your family, don’t voluntarily have one. It’s all part of counting the cost (Luke 14:27-32). Having a family is not like buying a warm and fluffy stuffed animal to make you feel cozy or a puppy dog to make you feel loved. If you do not invest the time in their upbringing which they so desperately need, you cannot just take them down to a friendly shelter and "give them up for adoption." It is a serious commitment and deserves serious forethought.

Certainly it would be more convenient to have children while we are young and have the energy to keep up with them, but we must ask ourselves if we have the time and means to cover all those bases as well. Without this we are being very selfish. Is it fair to walk down this road without making a commitment to their upbringing in something more than a supervisory role? First, for the sake of the children, we are short-changing them out of "us." I don’t know a young child who would rather be with anyone than his or her own mother and father. The person they spend the most time with will become the one to whom they bond and develop what should be the parent/child relationship. Second, if grandparents are to be our stand-ins, are we being fair to them? That energy you said you wanted may be yours, but what about the grandparents? They should not have to burn their candles at both ends to keep up. They have had a tour of duty in the child raising department already and quite frankly I do not believe God designed them to be raising children at their age (no offence intended, Mom). I know they love being with the kids, but they need breaks and enjoy being just grandparents, not full-time babysitters.

No amount of time you spend with your children is wasted. Quantity time is quality time. It is one way in which you show how much you value them. Value them as individuals and appreciate them as such, not just little disrupters who take away "free time" and cramp your life-style. I do not feel this strongly because it is convenient for me. I have made the deliberate decision to make the sacrifices necessary to be there for my children, to the best of my personal ability, because they are my responsibility. I am making an investment in them and I know every moment of this time will be worth it– to all of us. Won’t you join me in making your own commitment to your best for their best?

God never requires anything of us that we cannot accomplish. He calls for parents to raise their children, not a great societal commune. We can do this! Take responsibility for yourself and your family and raise your kids.

Laurie A. Moyer