"Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife" (Prov. 17:1).

The most important people in a child's life is his parents. He learns from them, watches them, grows up with them, and imitates them. It is a most obvious fact that what the parents do, how they act toward each other and the children, will have a profound effect on the life of the child. What the child will be like and who he will become is largely determined by the influence of the parents (Prov. 22:6). This is why we cannot overstate the fact that parents must be careful in raising their children, especially when it comes to the examples they set. Children are a blessing from the Lord, put into our hands for a few short years to teach them how to be servants of God (Eph. 6:4). Whenever we fail to teach our children the way of God, we abuse our position as parents.

The home should be a haven, a stronghold of one's life. Children crave peace and happiness in the home, especially between mom and dad. When parents fight, and perhaps ultimately end up in divorce, the child is confused and devastated. Hence, strife and divorce among the parents are terrible forms of mental abuse for the child. Unfortunately, many parents do not seem to think about the child when they are in a heated argument.

Strife is ungodly. We speak not just of disagreement. We refer, rather, to the contentious and angry spirit so often accompanying disagreement. Angry words, shouting matches, slamming doors, name-calling, hitting things (or people), and other forms of unrighteous anger are so often a part of household strife. Children should never have to see this take place in their home. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior, no matter how sharp the disagreement or problem may be. The heart of the child is broken when he sees this happening with his own parents. Over time, the child may become somewhat callused to it, but he himself begins to act the same way. When disagreeing with a friend, he may shout, call names and hit because mom and dad do these things. It's difficult enough to teach children these things are wrong without encouraging them to do it by our own actions. Listen to the Proverb: "The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out" (17:14). How many homes and children could have been saved if this wisdom would have been followed?!

Divorce is a tragedy. It has become so common that we hardly think twice about it anymore. I know school teachers who say that the majority of the children in their classrooms are from broken homes. The effects of divorce on children are tremendous. It effects the child the rest of his life. He may learn to deal with it; he may learn to "accept" the fact. But he will never get completely out of its shadow. It will haunt his memories and mar his childhood forever.

When children see that their parents cannot hold their relationship together, they will doubt their own ability to maintain solid relationships. Statistics show that children of divorce are much more likely to divorce their own spouses than are children of intact families. They tend to be apprehensive about marriage, and thus might withhold full commitment to their own marriages.

In a society that downgrades the importance of marriage, Christians need to stand as beacons in the world (Matt. 5:16). In family relationships, this means that we must treat each other with the due respect that God desires: husbands, love your wives; wives, respect your husbands (Eph. 5:22-33). As parents, we must set the proper examples for our children. We must teach them the value of the home (Heb. 13:4), respect for others (1 Pet. 2:17), and kindness toward all (Phil. 4:5). Contentions and divorce are born out of selfishness and sin. May God help us not to give our children these examples. Rather, let us set our minds on things above, teaching our children, by word and example, that there is nothing more important than being right with God. Children need to see attitudes and actions that conform to the mind of Christ.

Doy Moyer