Is it necessary to publicly disgrace someone if you think he or she has done wrong?

Matthew 1:18-25 tells what happened when Joseph learned that Mary was with child. Joseph and Mary were betrothed, which was as binding as marriage itself and could only be broken by going through the divorce process. Before Joseph had taken Mary into his home, he found that she was with child. Joseph was a righteous man and he respected the law. One cannot blame him for suspecting adultery on Mary’s part. How else could a young woman turn up with child? Of course, this was before learning that her pregnancy was a result of the miraculous work of God. After all, a virgin bearing a child was unprecedented. So, believing she was an adulterous woman, he decided to put her away secretly.

The Scriptures describe Joseph as a righteous man. One can imagine how Joseph would have felt: torn between his love for Mary and his desire to do what was right according to the law. He could have handled the problem in a number of ways. He could have ignored it. He could have turned Mary into a public disgrace. This was not his desire. That, in itself, tells us something about the great character of Joseph.

People are sometimes quick to "go public" with news that can destroy a person. I have many times wondered how tabloid magazines, which are known for smearing people, can survive. Obviously, enough people like to hear about this kind of news. Even God’s people are touched by this problem. How many reputations have been ruined because of unnecessary public dissemination of "bad" information about others? Further, how many churches and friendships have been destroyed because of gossip and slander among brethren? It seems that we like to hear anything that destroys a reputation. We like "dirty laundry."

Proverbs teaches about this kind of talk:

"The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body" (18:8).

"He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip" (20:19).

Even though Joseph could have publicly disgraced Mary, he did not want to. Being a righteous man, he had no desire to cause any public damage to her. What a great lesson for us all to learn! Even if someone has done something wrong, our desire should never be to create a public disgrace, especially when such is not necessary. In Joseph’s case, though it appeared to be an obvious case of adultery, the truth is he did not have all the facts; he did not know the whole context. Had he gone public to disgrace Mary, it would have been unjust.

So Joseph decided to put Mary away secretly. But before he took any action, an angel appeared to him in a dream and told him not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife. Though she was with child, it was "by the Holy Spirit." She had committed no sin which would have merited Joseph’s putting her away. Of course, Joseph could not have known this except by revelation from God. Even if Mary had told him the truth, it might have seemed unlikely. However, this direct revelation from God quenched his fears.

Because Joseph was righteous, rational and calm, he took no action that would have led to disgrace. He did nothing that he would have regretted later. Both Mary and Joseph kept their honor and their righteousness. Now Joseph had no problem with fulfilling his duty toward Mary. There was no public appearance of impropriety. Joseph and Mary both submitted themselves to the will of God as humble servants.

Christians need to be careful about taking news about others "public." Even if that "news" is true, is it necessary to tell others, especially if it will end up needlessly hurting that person’s reputation? Before taking any action, even secretly, we need to make sure we have the facts, and that they are in proper context. Perhaps a few reputations might have been spared had that basic principle been followed.

There was a reason why Joseph and Mary were chosen to be the earthly parents of Jesus. They were righteous, and willing to let God work through them. They had the attitude that we should have today. We may not do something as noteworthy as being earthly parents of the Savior of the world, but God can work through us if we humbly and quietly submit to Him: "So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" (Phil. 2:12, 13).

Doy Moyer