• Tom Marshall's Wit
• Grady's Bible Story
• Not Too Holy At Once
• Throw In The Wallet

Tom Marshall's Wit

by Zeb Vance

One time General Tom Marshall was speaking to a large gathering in Buffalo, when someone present, every few moments, kept shouting, "Louder! Louder!" Tom stood this for a while, but at last, turning gravely to the presiding officer, he said: "Mr. Chairman. At the last day, when the angel Gabriel shall, with his golden trumpet, proclaim that time shall be no longer; when the quick and dead shall appear before the Mercy Seat to be judged, I doubt not, sir, that the solemnity of that solemn and awful scene will be interrupted by some drunken fool from Buffalo, shouting, 'Louder, louder! Sir!'"

Grady's Bible Story

There was an old preacher once who told some boys of the Bible lesson he was going to read in the morning. The boys, finding the place, glued together the connecting pages. The next morning he read on the bottom of one page, "When Noah was one hundred and twenty years old he took unto himself a wife, who was" ... then turning the page ... "140 cubic feet long, forty cubic feet wide, built of gopher wood, and covered with pitch inside and out." He was naturally puzzled at this. He read it again, verified it, and then said: "Boys, this is the first time I ever met with this in the Bible, but I accept it as an evidence of the assertion that women are fearfully and wonderfully made."

from Wit, Wisdom, and Eloquence, 1930

Not Too Holy At Once

I remember a man coming into an assembly one time where I was preaching. He stayed through most of a Bible class. While sitting there, he pulled off about five shirts. He then sat through the announcements of our worship service. However, he only sat through about the first half of our first song. The song was "Take Time to be Holy." As he was leaving, he was told that he was welcome to stay, to which he replied, "I don't want to get all too holy at once." He was serious, too.

I guess that says more about us than we might like to admit. We want to be "holy," but not too holy, and certainly not all at once.

Doy Moyer

Throw In The Wallet

I grew up with a sizeable group of young folks. As teenagers we would all sit across a couple of pews and do what most young people do at that age. One young man, nearing the end of his teenage years, had just been converted. On a particular Sunday, as the collection plate was being passed, we could see him fumbling with his wallet trying to pull out some money. As the plate got closer to him, he became more frustrated. One sitting next to him was holding the plate patiently, and he finally got so flustered that he just grabbed the plate and threw his whole wallet in it. (This brought a noticeable chuckle from the row of teenagers.) His girlfriend, sitting on the other side, gently picked out his wallet, took some money out, and passed the plate along.

I still get a chuckle when I see that happening. But what also sticks with me is the fact that he was about the only one trying to give something. One just has to admire the effort.

Doy Moyer