Divorce and Remarriage: the Basics

            Many people have lost sight of God’s will concerning marriage. Marriage is spoken of in contempt, and divorce is commonplace. Among Christians, who ought to be the light to the world, divorce is on the increase. Children are often left alone. I have been torn inside by the destruction of families that I have known and loved. My heart weeps for the ones who are left to suffer in the wake of those who are unfaithful to their spouses and their Lord.

            Today, a high percentage of those who are getting married are actually entering their second or third marriage. In some cases, that may be nothing to be alarmed at (if lawful); but in many of them, we must sorrow at the fact that they are marrying unlawfully and thereby committing adultery. How can that be true? Don’t they have marriage licenses? We wish to look at the basics of what the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage.

An Emotional Issue

            I am quite aware of the fact that this is an emotional issue. However, emotions do not determine what the Bible teaches. We can wast a lot of time on this issue by appealing to emotional reasoning. Instead, we must go to the Bible and stand only on what it says, not what we think it ought to say in order to make things easier on us.

Why Is It So Hard?

            I think that some confuse understanding with acceptance. That is, since it is a hard issue to accept, some say that it is a difficult issue to understand. I do not believe that it is all that difficult to understand. The Lord made Himself clear enough on the matter. The difficulty comes in accepting and applying what the Lord taught.

            This point is illustrated by the fact that when Jesus taught on this subject, the disciples’ response shows 1) that it was clearly understood, and 2) that it was difficult to accept (See Matthew 19:10-12). They showed no lack of understanding. In fact, it was their understanding that led them to respond the way they did: “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Perhaps the difficulty comes with the emotions. It is hard to accept what pulls against our emotions. But let’s be dedicated to truth, and temper our emotions by what God has revealed.

Back to the Beginning

            God created man and woman for each other. They are perfectly suited to one another. His plan, in the beginning, was that there be one man and one woman joined together for life. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). There was no provision given for divorce. It was a simple arrangement, which, if respected by men and women, would result in their greatest fulfillment and happiness. Sadly, man rebelled against God’s law so that the simple arrangement was ignored; and for a time, God allowed the people to walk in their own ways. The law “in the beginning” should have been respected in all ages. Under Moses, divorce was tolerated (Deut. 24:1-4). However, if the put away woman became another man’s wife, the first husband could not take her back because she had become defiled.

What Jesus Taught: Matthew 19:1-12

            The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Jesus did not respond by appealing to the Law of Moses. Rather, He went back to the beginning and quoted Genesis 2:24, then said, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (vs. 6). This puzzled the Jews, so they asked, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” (vs. 7). Notice the Lord’s response: “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (vs. 8). What Moses tolerated (permitted, suffered in Deut. 24) was for the hardness of their hearts; it was not God’s original intention. God’s law did not approve of divorce for any reason. Niether did Moses’ law give God’s approval of divorce; it simply stated a contingency: “if a man divorces his wife, here is what must be done.” Some argue (erroneously I believe) that what Jesus said in verse 19 just explains what Moses said in Deuteronomy 24. But there is a clear distinction between what Moses permitted, and what the Lord taught. Verse 19 begins, “And I say to you...” which tells us that what He is about to say was not what Moses said.

He continued: “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” The basic law is: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery: and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Luke 16:18). That is not difficult to understand! Divorce for any reason would not be allowed. If one divorces his spouse for just any reason and marries again, he commits adultery (it works for both man or woman, Mark 10:11-12). Not only that, but the one who was put away commits adultery upon remarriage. And the one who did the putting away is guilty of causing his spouse to commit adultery (Matt. 5:32).

There is one exception given by Jesus in Matthew 19:9: “except for sexual immorality.” If one divorces a spouse for the cause of sexual immorality, then the clear implication is that there is no adultery committed upon remarriage for the innocent one. The put away party commits adultery upon remarriage. Again, that is hard to accept, as seen in the response of the disciples, and what Jesus had to say about those who would remain celibate for the kingdom of heaven’s sake (vv. 10-12).

Who Is Eligible For Marriage?

            Everyone has a right to a lawful mate (1 Cor. 7). Sadly, many destroy their marriage with their lawful mate and run to the arms of an unlawful mate. When this happens, they are committing adultery. So who has a right to marry, according to the Scriptures?

1) Those who have never married may join in marriage and be bound by God in that union.

2) Those whose mates have died. If one has lost a spouse to death, then the Lord gives authority for that one to remarry. “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).

3) Those who have put away their mates for the cause of sexual immorality (Matt. 19:9). Those who have divorced their spouses for any other reason commit adultery in a remarriage. I know of no other permissions for marriage.

Matthew 5:32

Matthew 5:32 does not say the same thing as Matthew 19:9. It says that “whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” Notice that there is no permission at all for any remarriage in this verse all. It only states that if one puts away his wife for any reason (except fornication), he is guilty of causing her to commit adultery upon her remarriage. If he puts her away for fornication, then he is not guilty of causing her to commit adultery because (as it is implied) she bears the blame herself. In this verse, the concern is whether or not one is guilty of causing his wife to commit adultery. It says nothing of the remarriage of the one who is doing the putting away. That is in contrast with Matthew 19:9, which does deal with the remarriage of the one doing the putting away.

I believe this also answers the question concerning what is sometimes called “mental divorce.” Some argue that if an innocent spouse is put away (not for fornication), then that innocent spouse may later put away the spouse (retroactively) who put him/her away initially if fornication is later involved (it must be done mentally, for the civil and physical divorce has already taken place). For example, if Joe puts away Jane just because (e.g., she burns toast), and she protested the divorce, then Joe goes out later and commits adultery (after the fact of the divorce), then she may put Joe away for fornication (even though he had already put her away). How does Matthew 5:32 answer this? If Joe puts away Jane, a divorce has taken place; and if it is not for fornication, then he causes her to commit adultery if she remarries. Nothing is said about anything he does after he puts her away. The position simply lacks scriptural proof and authority.

“Bound” And “Married”

            I believe the Bible distinguishes between the terms “married” and “bound.” Two people who have unlawfully divorced are still bound even though they have severed the marriage. Or two may marry (unlawfully) and not be so bound by God. Note the following:

Romans 7:2-3

            In Romans 7, Paul is arguing that the old law has “died” and God’s people are now married to Christ. He uses marriage to illustrate this point. “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man” (vv. 2-3). Why is the woman called an adulteress? Note that she is bound to the law of her husband, but she marries another man. She is bound to one man, but married to another. That is why she is an adulteress. What is the difference? “Bound” is connected to the “law” of God (i.e. “bound by law”), and has to do with what God does; He does the binding in heaven. “Married” has to do with the contracted relationship between the man and woman (she “marries another man”). That is a marriage whether God binds them or not, even though it is an unlawful marriage.

When two never-married people get married, God binds them. They are married and bound to each other. If they divorce, they have severed the marriage, but they are still bound by God. Upon remarriage, they are called adulterers because they are still bound by the law to their first spouse. So the binding and the marriage are not necessarily the same.

The Case of Herod

The case of Herod further illustrates this point. According to Mark’s account, Herod had married his brother’s wife (6:17). But the text says that she was Philip’s wife! She was married to Herod, but still belonged to Philip! John the Baptist told Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife” (vs. 18). Herod’s marriage to her was unlawful, because she still belonged to his brother. Therefore, it is possible to be unlawfully married while still belonging (bound) to someone else. That illustrates what Paul said in Romans 7.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

            “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” Notice that a woman, in departing (divorcing) from her husband (her man), has severed the marriage, but that man is still “her man.” Therefore, she is to remain “unmarried” or be reconciled to “her man.” If she remarries another man, she will be an adulteress (Rom. 7:3). Of course, if she put her man away for fornication, then the Lord permits her to remarry without committing adultery.

Why Can’t The Put Away Fornicator Remarry?

            Wouldn’t it be true that if one of the persons is “loosed,” that the other is “loosed” also? Not necessarily. They are still bound by the law and by God’s authority. The law says that “whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Matt. 5:32). The reason for her being put away is not stated. But what about the “exception clause” in Matthew 19:9 and 5:32? The clause modifies the one doing the putting away, not the one who is put away. The reason why the put away fornicator is not free to remarry is because 1) the Lord said he or she commits adultery, and 2) there is no authority for it. Permission to remarry is given only to the one who puts away the other for the cause of fornication. That’s all the text says.

To Whom Does The Law Apply?

The law applies to “whoever” is married. Some teach that the law applies only to those in covenant relationship with God. This cannot be; the marriage relationship is not sanctified by a relationship with God. The law stated in Genesis 2:24 was a universal law. This is what Jesus appealed to in Matthew 19. He went back to a time before the Law of Moses and said this is what God wants. God’s laws concerning marriage apply to everyone who is married, whether they want to be under that law or not. Rebellion against God does not free us from responsibility and accountability to His laws (see 1 Tim. 1:9-11).

Conclusion

            God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16). His intention is that one man live with one woman in marriage for their lifetime. Divorce and subsequent remarriage means that adultery is committed (Luke 16:18). The only exception given is that if one divorces a spouse for the cause of fornication, he or she may then enter another marriage without committing adultery. Those who are put away for whatever cause do not have authority to remarry.

            Though this has not been comprehensive, these are the “basics.” Let’s be satisfied with what the Lord said and accept the things He taught. The best thing we can do is make sure that we stay faithful to the Lord and to our mates. If all would do this, there would be no divorce or heartache, and God would be glorified. Following His law will protect us from harm, and provide the joy that we all long for.

Doy Moyer